I am a survivor a severe child abuse, psychological abuse, sexual abuse and starvation. I have written a book that was 20 years in the making. In the last 3 years I have re dedicated myself to writing the narrative of my youth, my battle with C-PTSD and depression and my road to recovery. The message of my book is simple, no matter how bad the abuse was there is life after it ends. We can learn to live again. We can learn to trust again. Most importantly we can learn to love again.
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I am a survivor a severe child abuse, psychological abuse, sexual abuse and starvation. I have written a book that was 20 years in the making. In the last 3 years I have re dedicated myself to writing the narrative of my youth, my battle with C-PTSD and depression and my road to recovery. The message of my book is simple, no matter how bad the abuse was there is life after it ends. We can learn to live again. We can learn to trust again. Most importantly we can learn to love
again.
Mother, Father, be kind to me today.
No cruel words spoken today.
No lashing out in anger today.
Be kind to me today.
Mother, Father, be gentle now I pray.
This is my unspoken plea today.
My plea to keep my demons away,
Be gentle with me today.
Mother, Father, please love me just for today.
One kiss, one hug, to chase the pain away.
Make today unlike all the other days.
Love me just for today.
I am still praying for that day.
As an abuse survivor, I have fooled around with highly emotive poetry, journaling and short stories. Writing is my weapon of choice to chase the demons of my past away. I suffer from C-PSTD and chronic depression. I have been through, tried and walked away from so many therapies. They did not fit... or I thought I was better and walked away to relapse again... Spiraling deeper into depression each time.
I finally found EMDR therapy, many many years later. After a full run of treatment I stopped having my horrible flashbacks/waking dreams every day. The nightmares that haunted me every night making me wake up screaming have become a very rare event. I lost my rage and anger, I started to live my life free of my abusers. I found hope.
I had been trying to write the story of my life for over 20 years but I was too angry for it to be nothing but pure vitriol and anger. But with my treatment I was finally able to write my memoir the way it needed to be told.
Here's the rub, no treatment is perfect, the human mind does not work that way. I still have bad days, I still occasionally wake up silently screaming... But it is so much better than before. I am married to the love of my life, I live in Australia now and I am getting better every day. Please join me in my message of hope.
